When you have children close together, survival mode becomes your normal.
For years, that’s where I lived. Just getting through the day. Keeping tiny humans fed, carried, comforted. I didn’t realize how deeply stuck I had become — physically, mentally, emotionally — until I finally started to come out of it.
There’s a saying about flamingos: when they’re in survival mode, they lose their color. Their pink fades. And that’s exactly how I felt. I wasn’t getting my pink back.
Looking back now, six months ago I barely recognize the person I was. In photos, I see someone who had come off back-to-back pregnancies, never losing the previous baby weight, carrying exhaustion on top of exhaustion. I was heavier than I had ever been in my life, dealing with constant inflammation, back pain, shoulder pain, knee pain — all from carrying extra weight while also carrying kids all day, every day.
It slowed me down in ways I didn’t fully acknowledge at the time. I wasn’t just tired — I felt disconnected from myself. I lost Holly.
I’m 5’8”, and for a long time I felt completely stuck around 185 pounds. No matter what I tried, the numbers wouldn’t move. I plateaued physically, but mentally I had plateaued long before that. I didn’t feel like myself, and honestly, I didn’t feel like I knew how to get back to myself.
What finally shifted things wasn’t a quick fix or a crash plan. It was deciding to stop guessing and start understanding my body.
I had extensive lab work done at Twin Rivers, and for the first time in a long time, things started to make sense. Instead of feeling like I was failing my body, I realized my body had been asking for help — through inflammation, pain, fatigue, and resistance.
That information became a turning point.
With medically guided weight loss, intentional lifestyle changes, and support that felt personalized instead of overwhelming, I started to feel like I was coming back online. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too.
This wasn’t about shrinking myself or chasing a number on the scale. It was about reducing inflammation, supporting my body properly, and giving myself permission to prioritize my health after years of putting myself last.
Slowly, my energy came back. My pain eased. My confidence returned. And somewhere along the way, I started to recognize myself again.
I got my pink back.
If you’re in a season where you feel stuck in survival mode — where your body doesn’t feel like home and your mind feels foggy or overwhelmed — I want you to know this: you’re not broken. And you’re not alone.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is pause, gather information, and ask for support. Healing doesn’t have to be extreme. It can be gradual, informed, and deeply personal.
Six months ago, I couldn’t imagine feeling the way I do today. Now, I move through my days stronger, clearer, and more connected to myself — not because I did everything perfectly, but because I finally chose to care for myself with intention.
And that made all the difference.
